Excuses

If you told me there was a streamer limping along with twelve followers, scattered by ADHD, and cursed with a schedule like shattered glass—I’d nod. I’ve seen worse.

If you told me that same wreck of a streamer had built a custom moderation bot from scratch, wired in multiple HTML widgets feeding off local data, and kept themselves vertical only through a bloodstream of Monster—well, I’d believe that too.

But if you told me that was me? I’d have called you a liar.

Turns out, the lie was mine.

Because it is me. Every damn bit of it.

The obsession with control—bot, widgets, overlays, the whole system—has been both my forge and my chains. It’s what’s kept me from pressing “Go Live” as often as I should. A flaw disguised as discipline. Looking back, it feels like sabotage. But forward? It’s just another tool on the bench.

Today’s entry isn’t a confession—it’s a contract. A vow scratched into the steel.

I’ve spent too long stalling. Telling myself I’m “not ready.” Telling myself I’ll go live tomorrow, or next week, or after one more tweak. Meanwhile, life keeps bleeding past me like steam through a cracked valve.

Truth is—I am ready. More than ready. I know it in my bones, even if my head still tries to sell me lies.

So this is the line. Sunday, September 14th. The button gets clicked. Not “someday.” Not “after I fix one more thing.” Today.

It won’t be perfect. It won’t be polished. Doesn’t matter. Boots lace, clock punches, line runs. That’s the vow.

Smaller entry, yeah. Just me shouting into the void to remind myself: I can do this. I will do this.

Come hold me accountable on Here or over on Twitch.

V